E.Y.E. – THE SCREAMING MUTANTS Live at Rileys (Jamestown, OH)
This was a mutant renegade outing. Mite, Gail and I journeyed to Brookville (small rural town) to see E.Y.E. play. It turned out to be an odd little bar where they have karaoke, it seemed to be the main hangout in town. E.Y.E. had signed up for this “special” deal where these people from Tennessee would videotape two of his songs and make sure they got played on TV. (We were voting whether it was a scam or not). So after a few really bad country covers, E.Y.E. took the stage and performed two originals. Several people in the crowd liked him, some danced and others were just confused. All to soon E.Y.E. was done and he sat with us. Then came more country covers, the next two people were both very scared looking, petite, blonde girls with big hair and blue jean skirts (my old friend Big John told me never to trust a girl in a blue jean skirt). Each sang some country song with a half smile, vawery voice and a “deer caught in the headlights” stare straight at the camera…or should I say camcorder.
then right before two large men started playing a stripper appeared since it was some guys 40th birthday. She gave him a lap dance and show. Almost the whole bar watched, except us. She was a lousy stripper, a bad dancer and her body wasn’t toned at all. Gail went by the camera (yes they videotaped it) and made did a dance in front of it until they yelled at her. Then right when she was on all fours and crawling to between his legs, Gail threw a zine and it landed right on his crotch. We thought it was great, but she got pissed. I was dared to yell “Hey, that’s my wife” on a redneck voice. So, I did and a redneck turned around, shook my hand and said “Hey, buddy you’re doing a hell of a lot better then the rest of us”. Gail then dared me to run through the crowd and announce that the stripper is really my transexual brother. Since I didn’t have a death wish I just yelled it from behind the crowd. Evidently, I used to many sylables since they failed to react.
After hearing more lame singers we signed up for Karaoke. Gail and I were going to do the Jeffersons theme, but they kept skipping over us. So looking deeper into the book she noticed “Surrender” by Cheap Trick. I signed Gail, Mite and I up for it and gave it to the girl running the show. After a while it seemed like we were once again being skipped. So I went and asked the lady when we were on. She smiled and said “You can be next honey, do a good job”. They had no idea what was about to happen. Me, Mite, Gail and E.Y.E. all grabbed microphones and set into the song. Gail and I pogoed and E.Y.E. just stood behind us laughing. Once the lyrics started I tried (and failed miserably) to impersonate Johnny Rotten, Gail and Mite just screamed and E.Y.E. kept laughing. Halfway through the song Mite and Gail had their mics taken away so I shared mine a bit then ran around the bar getting in peoples faces and rubbing guys on the head. I knocked over a few chairs and was then trapped by a waitress who was yelling at me from behind and the blonde lady who glared at me and said to give back the damned microphone (she wasn’t all smiles towards me anymore). Then the cut off the song and we decided to make a hasty exit before the turned into a lynch mob. Mite and I headed to the door to chants of “You Suck, You Suck”. Once outside we noticed that Gail and E.Y.E. were still inside. I went back in and the crowd had calmed down some, but I got a few glares. Soon we all got out of there and made a promise to visit more karaoke bars together. Watch for the Screaming Mutants karaoke bar tour coming soon.
- Grog Mutant (1998)